Chapter 361: Sweet Feelings
Filaret La Volgograd managed to soothe her distorted, accelerated heart and collapsed on the bed of her room. Her cheeks felt slightly hot, and her breath was extremely rough.
Her once quiet thoughts were now swirling through her skull like a storm. She tried to remain calm, but she was unlikely to regain her composure for a while.
The previous encounter was the reason why her thoughts were so disturbed.
Ninz’ words, Lugis’ adoptive mother, still carried a strange weight and heat in Filaret’s chest.
…I apologize. It seems I raised him poorly. I should have taught him about the world a little more.
Immediately after Lugis left the room, the conversation began with those words from Ninz.
To be honest, Filaret didn’t remember the next exchange of words. Ninz seemed nice, but Filaret had no idea what to expect from that talk, so her thoughts were elsewhere.
At that time, she couldn’t calm down her heart to listen to what Ninz had to say. Filaret was unable to forget Lugis’ previous words. His words were engraved in her heart like scars.
Lugis’ meant that he hadn’t forgotten about that witch…Saint Ariene of the Great Holy Church.
The moment those words came out of his mouth, Filaret knew that her black eyes were covered with an unbearable heat.
Her body began to grow cold from the edges, and she felt like she was about to cry as she felt an incomprehensible sadness welling up from the bottom of her viscera. For the first time, she learned that she could burn her throat with a single feeling.
Therefore Filaret didn’t have the time to slowly digest Ninz’ words. In front of this situation, Filaret stood helpless by showing a feeble appearance.
However, Ninz spoke as if she had guessed Filaret, Caria, and Philos’ feelings.
I am pleased with his ongoing growth, but there are some things that hinder that growth. Therefore, what I’m about to say is only a suggestion.
…He will calm down if he has a child of his own. A man might be a dreamer, but he will get his feet on the ground upon seeing a baby.
A child. A descendant. A son. A daughter. There were various ways to say it, but in other words, they all led to the same existence.
Moreover, an existence associated with Lugis.
For a moment, Filaret’s reaction slowed down. It felt like a hammer hit the inside of her head.
Speaking of which, what was Ninz talking about? Filaret felt extremely confused.
In an instant, something that was not bewilderment or anticipation began to overflow from Filaret’s chest. Her throat got clogged in response.
As if seeing through her reaction, Ninz continued her words.
It’s not like I’m going to use a child for that purpose. I just want to give Lugis a chance. Everyone needs a break and a milestone in order to settle. In that case, it will be better to give him that break early in his turbulent life. Because sooner or later he will have children of his own.
Filaret watched as Ninz’s lips filled with emotion.
…In the past, when he caught a cold, I gave him a honey drink instead of medicine. I liked its effects, so I use it often since then. If you drink together at night, both will sleep very well.
It was a side story conversation, but everyone there understood what Ninz was trying to say. Afterwards, Ninz spoke about other topics, but they were easily forgotten in Filaret’s mind.
Filaret lay on the bed, placing her thin fingers on her own forehead, trying to regulate her breathing. Her breath was still hot.
“To have a child with him.”
Of course, it was not like Filaret didn’t want it. If she hoped for it, she could have a family of her own. How happy would that be? It was a happiness that couldn’t be described in words.
Filaret’s hands were full of sweet feelings. However, at the same time as she had such thoughts, she also felt a great fear in her heart.
“If I try to be with him, will I really be accepted by him?”
Maybe he would brutally reject her by taking another person’s hand. If that happened, what kind of expression should she make? How could she endure such humiliation?
Anxiety, expectations, and conflict. Those emotions increased their magnitude and crawled incessantly in Filaret’s chest. As expected, her thoughts didn’t come together. They were the embodiment of chaos. She felt as if a heavy stone appeared inside her body.
However, that didn’t mean she couldn’t take a step forward. Filaret squinted her black eyes as she lay on her bed.
After all, she was not the only one who received that suggestion from Ninz. There were two more people beside her.
It was not clear how one of them, the ruler Philos Trait, would move. But maybe that person would wait for now.
Even though Lugis took her hand, Philos didn’t seem like someone who liked to rush things. Rather, Filaret understood that Philos valued order and justice above all else.
Therefore, although there was some confusion, Philos wouldn’t move immediately.
However, the other person, Caria Burdnick, was different. Her swaying silver hair was reflected behind Filaret’s eyelids.
Filaret was no longer in an unfamiliar relationship with her. Therefore, she clearly understood Caria’s heart. She was someone who would immediately put it into action.
Caria was someone who seemed to have wings in her legs. Filaret greatly envied that trait.
Filaret knew that she thought too much, which was why she was unable to take any action. If she could live as actively and as noble as Caria, how bright would her life be? Those thoughts were hidden inside of Filaret’s skull.
Whatever form Caria took this time around, she would definitely take some action. There was no mistake about it.
“If so, what should I do then? Will I cover myself in my bed sheets and wait for his visit?”
“Will I be able to see him next to his woman and child?” The black eyes quivered in response, and her teeth bit her lips hard. Filaret’s body was so hot that she didn’t even feel pain.
“I just can’t accept that. I can’t allow Caria and Eldith to have their prize. And there’s no way I’ll hand over his future to Matia and his childhood friend.”
Filaret knew that all of them had brilliant talents and worthy titles, which allowed them to live magnificent lives.
However, Filaret was different. She grabbed the bed sheets with a strong grip. Her thin fingers slightly dung onto the bed.
“I need what I want, so I can live as myself. There’s only one way and there’s only one person who can stand next to him.”
Filaret’s black eyes swayed and intensified their color. In the darkness that descended into the room, her eyes saw it growing deeper and darker.
“…I can’t be with you because you won’t be with me. Isn’t that unfair, Lugis?”
“It’s a terrible disparity. That’s why it must be corrected.”
A smile appeared on Filaret’s rosy cheeks. Her breath was tinged with a resolute feeling.